First Class Security Theater

If you live in the United States and you travel by air,  you are familiar with the TSA. Yes, the notorious Transportation Security Administration, renown for hiring sexual deviant employees to molest children  while their easily bypassed, radiation spewing body scanners preferentially select hot women, has reached a whole new level of greasiness.

So what are they up to, you ask? Why, creating a caste system for airport security! Now CEOs, celebrities, politicians and other mucky-mucks won’t have to settle for simple first class seating. Instead, they can also snub their noses at the masses while cruising past screening lines with their first class security clearance.

It’s simple: be someone of import, pass a background check, clear a brief chat with a customs agent, and then pay your $100 fee. After this, you’re in ‘precheck’ paradise, waiting to whisk you away on your flight to Dubai without the slightest groping or human rights violation. How posh!

A-ha! It all makes sense. The years of terrible, unaccountable service were just an elaborate marketing ploy for this new premium package. Those clever bastards.

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